There is the man who likes throwing clubs more than he actually likes playing golf.

GSTPA researchers this week identified a subset of golfers who appear to derive greater emotional satisfaction from throwing clubs than from successful shot execution.The article should slowly reveal that:

• replacement costs no longer bother him,
• he plans emotionally around the throw,
• and successful shots may actually interfere with the experience.

Lines like:

“If I stripe it too early, there’s nowhere for the round to go emotionally,” Keller explained.

Then:

• measured throwing distances,
• preferred launch trajectories,
• grip-release techniques,
• “post-impact emotional decompression,”
• etc.

You could even structure it as a behavioral study.

The funniest part is probably the participant interviews.

Like:

“I don’t even know if I’m mad anymore,” said participant Brian Keller, who reportedly threw a 7-iron 43 yards into a retention pond before calmly finishing the hole with a wedge. “There’s just something honest about it.”

Or:

Researchers observed elevated emotional engagement immediately following airborne club events.

Friends say Keller now carries older drivers during casual rounds “just in case something needs to happen.”

Researchers observed the participant become visibly disappointed following extended periods without equipment propulsion.